22.5.12
Estoy practicando español
Cuando me desperté, tomé una taza de café. Comí cuatro chocolates de Italia para el desayuno. Más tarde comí el yogur de vainilla con fresas y frambuesas. Para almuerzo comí salmón con el perejil y hongos salteados. Para cena, comí pasta con pesto. Entonces conduje a la clase de español. Cuando llegué a casa, jugué con mi gato y tenía una copa de vino tinto llamado "Apothic". Estoy muy cansado. A veces mi trabajo es aburrido. ¿Cuándo voy a ser feliz?
21.5.12
habits
I'm reading a book about how to be an "effective" person...and it's really interesting and I'm taking it seriously. There's a lot in it for me to learn and apply.
I still despise asians though. Don't get me wrong, there are some that I like, but as a race or culture as a whole, they are the worst. I fucking hate all their retarded superstitions, like their obsession with using dead babies as medicine or consuming parts of amazing endangered animals to improve their sexual performance.
On Saturday I went on a run at a popular preserved park/hills. When I got done I was walking through the parking lot and this asian lady with 2 kids was straight up screaming at her husband, calling him all kinds of name, then she realized they had locked her keys in the car and started screaming and yelling even louder. It was so fucking embarrassing...there were tons of people in the parking lot.
Then on Sunday I went to a yoga class at the gym. I was driving out of the parking lot, waiting to turn left, and in my rearview this car is hauling at me so fast I thought she was going to hit me. She honks at me 3 times immediately and I turn around and this asian lady is waving her hands at me to turn. I look at the road again and there's absolutely no where for me to turn. Then she reverses super far super fast and goes another way. Super calm after yoga and I have to encounter that lunatic.
I just think the majority of asians aren't very aware and have no street or common sense. I just read some statistic that like 80% or something of korean kids are now near-sighted, cause they spend so much time indoors reading books.
Japan is probably an exception but still I hate how they eat intelligent dolphins and whales. But I eat other animals which are intelligent too, but dolphins are just at another level.
Give me a free vacation to China, Korea, Thailand and I'll fucking throw it in the garbage.
I still despise asians though. Don't get me wrong, there are some that I like, but as a race or culture as a whole, they are the worst. I fucking hate all their retarded superstitions, like their obsession with using dead babies as medicine or consuming parts of amazing endangered animals to improve their sexual performance.
On Saturday I went on a run at a popular preserved park/hills. When I got done I was walking through the parking lot and this asian lady with 2 kids was straight up screaming at her husband, calling him all kinds of name, then she realized they had locked her keys in the car and started screaming and yelling even louder. It was so fucking embarrassing...there were tons of people in the parking lot.
Then on Sunday I went to a yoga class at the gym. I was driving out of the parking lot, waiting to turn left, and in my rearview this car is hauling at me so fast I thought she was going to hit me. She honks at me 3 times immediately and I turn around and this asian lady is waving her hands at me to turn. I look at the road again and there's absolutely no where for me to turn. Then she reverses super far super fast and goes another way. Super calm after yoga and I have to encounter that lunatic.
I just think the majority of asians aren't very aware and have no street or common sense. I just read some statistic that like 80% or something of korean kids are now near-sighted, cause they spend so much time indoors reading books.
Japan is probably an exception but still I hate how they eat intelligent dolphins and whales. But I eat other animals which are intelligent too, but dolphins are just at another level.
Give me a free vacation to China, Korea, Thailand and I'll fucking throw it in the garbage.
17.5.12
sensitivities in life
everyone has them. can't dwell on them though. sometimes there are small things in life to look forward to that don't make sense. everyday at the train station i'm attracted to a person there. and this person hasn't been there for a week. i think they might be a teacher...gone for the summer. just little things like that can be depressing. now i have nothing to look forward to in the morning...but it's ok i'll be fine.
i have very little memory of growing up. like i don't remember anything i learned in school or what I did. most people have vivid memories of their childhood and growing up. there are 2 things that really stick out though: i think i was in 3rd or 4th grade, the first thursday of every month my mom would take me to the shitty mall, it was like a date, and i usually got to pick out something..like earrings from claires or something else cheap. and then i remember one valentines day when i was pretty young my dad gave me flowers and took me to see a dance performance. that was the only time anyone has surprised me with flowers. i guess i remembered those times because i felt special or loved
i have very little memory of growing up. like i don't remember anything i learned in school or what I did. most people have vivid memories of their childhood and growing up. there are 2 things that really stick out though: i think i was in 3rd or 4th grade, the first thursday of every month my mom would take me to the shitty mall, it was like a date, and i usually got to pick out something..like earrings from claires or something else cheap. and then i remember one valentines day when i was pretty young my dad gave me flowers and took me to see a dance performance. that was the only time anyone has surprised me with flowers. i guess i remembered those times because i felt special or loved
16.5.12
algún música hoy
Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me
Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
Fernando Milagros - Carnavel feat Christina Rosenvinge
Andrea Balency Trio - El Desorden
11.5.12
today: the first manicure of my life and the first drink of the week. LOL!
A friend at work invited me to go get a manicure with her this week. I confessed...I've never had a manicure or pedicure...lol. I ended up choosing a lime green color for my nails...the pic don't do justice for da beauty of it. There was a rich ugly Palo Alto mom that looked like a man with her 2 kids, a boy and girl, same age, maybe 3-4 years old?, gettin pedicures. Can you believe that shit? And they were annoying as FUCK. ANNOYING AS FUCK. The little boy wanted glittery blue nail polish for his pedicure with a star design....SERIOUSLY? I'm gettin heated just thinkin about it. And then afterwards when I said somethin to the girl I went with, she was like, oh that was so cute! Godddd...maybe I'm just bitter that this faggot lil boy was gettin a pedicure before I've ever had one. Seriously...this family doesn't have anything better to do with their time? All I know, is it made me SICK....SICK...with disgust. It was not cute in the least bit. And the kids both had like ADD, chewin on strings and shit and wouldn't shut up the entire time. Seriously...........disgusting.
And then I read about the lies of sunscreen today. Just like anything else in this country, you can't trust anything. If I'm going to sit in the sun, I always wear sunscreen now, but now I'm reading that you can't even trust that the sunscreen you buy protects you from UVA rays. Greeat, now I'm going to have tons of wrinkles on my face and neck. And I already know that my hands (as the asians say, your hands show your true age) are going to have wrinkles, because I don't put sunscreen on them. When I wash my hands every hour the sunscreen is just going to come off so what's the point. Sorry I'll never be some boring as fuck asian lady that just sits inside all day....I'm more alive than you idiots...more connected with the world. Stop walking into me at the farmer's markets you fucking morons. How does your brain not understand how to look up from your feet and not walk into people?
8.5.12
nada
I was just going to write "I have nothing to say". Then I saw this quote in a NPR article. I feel this way sometimes. "We just absorb anything we like. We're cannibals."
I feel very raw. or I am very raw.
I feel very raw. or I am very raw.
29.4.12
żyje we mnie przez śmierć
Polish for "she lives in me through death". That's what I felt last night in bed.
Thinkin a lot about the great granny lately. She will be 102 y.o. in July. Pretty amazing. She complains about being "too healthy" and tells us you don't want to live that long. My grandma and great-grandma (and their families) on my dad's side have always lived next door to each other in Milwaukee, but last year she got put into a nursing home. My grandma is so sick of her mom apparently. I rarely get to see them so I really can't judge her. My great-grandma (Josephine Nawrocki, polish descent) has always inspired me, and nights when I feel very sad and lonely, I think of her strength, it's almost like she's my angel, but she's still alive. Even though I only got to see her for a couple weeks every few years, I'm lucky to have had the chance to know her. She is a very outgoing, friendly, sociable, happy person. She is an amazing piano player (she still has many songs memorized), she loved to go dancing, go bowling, and play cards. She had pet birds too. Those are the things I remember. When I visited 2 years ago we sat on her patio (she loves sitting outside) and flipped through old photo albums, she remembered the dates, people, stories of all the photos. Since we would always visit in the muggy summer time, I remember the vanilla ice cream with raspberries picked from her backyard, and chocolate malt shakes. I remember when I was there she went out to play poker with a few older guys and she won all their money. Her memory is fading now though, and her eye sight, and her fingers get really swollen I guess. But other than that, nothing serious yet
She's always had a strong sense of self, maybe even "stubborn" or "selfish" if you ask my grandma. She does what makes her happy. Men especially have always been attracted to her. My great-grandpa Schmidt died in his 80's, but she eventually got a boyfriend, Frank, but he died 5 years or so ago. Now she is alone in a nursing home, some days she has a positive outlook, but most days she seems to be negative.
I'm such a reactive person (the opposite of her). I notice how some people I know can enjoy being around all people, they are non-judgemental. I on the other hand am very...picky. I won't say anymore on that.
I am envious of the simple life and strength of community that my great grandparents and grandparents grew up with.
I idolize my grandparents too, but for now I'm thinking about "Josie" since she's the oldest....
Thinking of ideas for a drawing I could do to encompass all of these feelings.
on another note: It's a gorgeous day in California, low to mid 70s, and I'm scolded by my fat OCD stoner boyfriend for opening the windows so I can breathe. I suffocate. He takes multiple Xanax on a daily basis now, even more anti-social, plays videogames in the pitch dark constantly, barely pays attention to me, calls me a moron, a rat, a bitch. When I try to tell him that his xanax, weed, depression, overweight, unhealthiness bothers me I'm yelled at. I feel so depressed and hopeless.
Thinkin a lot about the great granny lately. She will be 102 y.o. in July. Pretty amazing. She complains about being "too healthy" and tells us you don't want to live that long. My grandma and great-grandma (and their families) on my dad's side have always lived next door to each other in Milwaukee, but last year she got put into a nursing home. My grandma is so sick of her mom apparently. I rarely get to see them so I really can't judge her. My great-grandma (Josephine Nawrocki, polish descent) has always inspired me, and nights when I feel very sad and lonely, I think of her strength, it's almost like she's my angel, but she's still alive. Even though I only got to see her for a couple weeks every few years, I'm lucky to have had the chance to know her. She is a very outgoing, friendly, sociable, happy person. She is an amazing piano player (she still has many songs memorized), she loved to go dancing, go bowling, and play cards. She had pet birds too. Those are the things I remember. When I visited 2 years ago we sat on her patio (she loves sitting outside) and flipped through old photo albums, she remembered the dates, people, stories of all the photos. Since we would always visit in the muggy summer time, I remember the vanilla ice cream with raspberries picked from her backyard, and chocolate malt shakes. I remember when I was there she went out to play poker with a few older guys and she won all their money. Her memory is fading now though, and her eye sight, and her fingers get really swollen I guess. But other than that, nothing serious yet
She's always had a strong sense of self, maybe even "stubborn" or "selfish" if you ask my grandma. She does what makes her happy. Men especially have always been attracted to her. My great-grandpa Schmidt died in his 80's, but she eventually got a boyfriend, Frank, but he died 5 years or so ago. Now she is alone in a nursing home, some days she has a positive outlook, but most days she seems to be negative.
I'm such a reactive person (the opposite of her). I notice how some people I know can enjoy being around all people, they are non-judgemental. I on the other hand am very...picky. I won't say anymore on that.
I am envious of the simple life and strength of community that my great grandparents and grandparents grew up with.
I idolize my grandparents too, but for now I'm thinking about "Josie" since she's the oldest....
Thinking of ideas for a drawing I could do to encompass all of these feelings.
on another note: It's a gorgeous day in California, low to mid 70s, and I'm scolded by my fat OCD stoner boyfriend for opening the windows so I can breathe. I suffocate. He takes multiple Xanax on a daily basis now, even more anti-social, plays videogames in the pitch dark constantly, barely pays attention to me, calls me a moron, a rat, a bitch. When I try to tell him that his xanax, weed, depression, overweight, unhealthiness bothers me I'm yelled at. I feel so depressed and hopeless.
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